


earth’s biggest dumbasses

by orangeslices4scott



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bucky Barnes & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bully Flash Thompson, Cell Phones, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Creepy Brock Rumlow, Cute, Deaf Clint Barton, Domestic Fluff, Drunk Texting, Drunken Shenanigans, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, F/F, F/M, Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Sex, Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, M/M, Major Character Injury, Parent Pepper Potts, Precious Peter Parker, Principal Nick Fury, Protective Siblings, Sam Wilson is So Done, Star Wars References, Steve Rogers Feels, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:33:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 9,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23934622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeslices4scott/pseuds/orangeslices4scott
Summary: High school Avengers being pals, gay disasters and a collective pain in the ass for their teachers.Told through texts and group chats.
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Clint Barton & Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark & Thor, Bruce Banner/Thor, Brunnhilde | Valkyrie/Carol Danvers, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton/Pietro Maximoff, Hela & Loki & Thor (Marvel), James "Bucky" Barnes & Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Shuri & T'Challa (Marvel), Stephen Strange & Avengers Team, Tony Stark/Stephen Strange, Wanda Maximoff/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 29
Kudos: 134





	1. tony makes a group chat

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

_[monday 02:37]_

_titaniumalloyman added americasass, theotherguy, thundernlightning, notlistening, shadyredhead, stabbyking, ceoofhungover, astronomybitch, everyonesmom, lilspiderboi, noshitsherlock, gotanyorangeslices, feistyredhead, gottagofast, helascary, presidentjb, onyourleftassholes, and hakunamatata to **New Group Chat**._

_shadyredhead named the chat **earths biggest dumbasses.**_

notlistening: harsh

theotherguy: no she’s right

titaniumalloyman: this was long overdue no need to thank me

noshitsherlock: ok tony wtf are these usernames

americasass: Yes Tony, you wanna explain??

titaniumalloyman: no

presidentjb: -_-

presidentjb: also wtf does mine mean

titaniumalloyman: president james buchanan

presidentjb: yeah and??

theotherguy: you know what he was famous for?

presidentjb: no why would i

presidentjb: one sec

_presidentjb left the chat._

lilspiderboi: mr stark can I add my friends to the group

titaniumalloyman: sure go ahead

_lilspiderboi added callmedepressed and fixitfelix to the chat._

_americasass added agentnobullshit to the chat._

presidentjb: YOU LITTLE SHIT

titaniumalloyman: ;)

everyonesmom: why are you all awake???

notlistening: um

stabbyking: why are YOU awake

everyonesmom: I was studying

stabbyking: yeah sure you were

gottagofast: sleep is for the weak

feistyredhead: which is why you were sleeping literally a minute ago

notlistening: hahaha your sister destroyed you

gottagofast: stfu

shadyredhead: clint get the fuck to sleep

shadyredhead: I’m not waiting six hours to pick you up

notlistening: that was one time!!

**PRIVATE CHAT**

presidentjb: I stg I’m gonna murder you

titaniumalloyman: admit it you think it’s funny

presidentjb: no I don’t dipshit

presidentjb: I’m not the only one with internet access

presidentjb: all he has to do is google it ffs

titaniumalloyman: he won’t

presidentjb: you better hope he doesn’t

_[tuesday 16:58]_

**PRIVATE CHAT**

feistyredhead: where tf are you

feistyredhead: you said you’d be coming straight home

gottagofast: yeah well plans changed

feistyredhead: to what??

feistyredhead: secretly making out with clint

gottagofast: NO

gottagofast: I’ll be back in ten

 _gottagofast left the chat_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is really fun to write. It’s different from my more typical writing style which is proving to be great.  
> Updates will be frequent for the near future (you know quarantine).  
> I hope you have fun reading :)  
> Lots more drama, gay disasters and shenanigans coming up!


	2. catching out carter

_[wednesday 14:21]_

**younglings**

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Shuri - fixitfelix

callmedepressed: ugh i hate chemistry

lilspiderboi: why?

lilspiderboi: it’s an excuse to play with fire

fixitfelix: yeah but you gotta put up with sitwell

lilspiderboi: oh yeah

callmedepressed: he just gave me detention for “not participating”

fixitfelix: rip

lilspiderboi: don’t you like detention

callmedepressed: yeah but I don’t want it from this asshole

callmedepressed: flash just spilt corrosive shit on my notebook

callmedepressed: bitch about to get smacked

_callmedepressed left the chat._

lilspiderboi: oh he dead

_[thursday 10:37]_

**PRIVATE CHAT**

americasass: Hey Sam

onyourleftassholes: yo

americasass: You know Miss Carter?

onyourleftassholes: you mean peggys aunt who teaches history

americasass: Yeah her

americasass: So I had to stay after class to discuss my essay

americasass: And she was being weird

americasass: It made me really uncomfortable

onyourleftassholes: weird how

americasass: I had my phone in my pants pocket

americasass: I just had a bad feeling so I pressed record secretly

americasass: [video x1]

onyourleftassholes: omfg steve that’s not okay

americasass: I know that’s why I’m telling you

onyourleftassholes: you need to tell peggy

americasass: I don’t want to make her hate her aunt

onyourleftassholes: I’ll tell her then

onyourleftassholes: jfc what kinda bitch does that

onyourleftassholes: YOURE HER STUDENT FFS

onyourleftassholes: that’s gotta be illegal

onyourleftassholes: are you okay

americasass: I’m fine just a little weirded out

onyourleftassholes: you tell me if she tries anything k

americasass: Okay thanks

americasass: Don’t tell anyone please

onyourleftassholes: what about the gc

onyourleftassholes: not the big one our other one

americasass: No! Bucky would freak

onyourleftassholes: damn right

americasass: Language

americasass: Sam please don’t tell them

onyourleftassholes: fine

americasass: Thanks

americasass: Gym gotta run

_americasass left the chat._

_[15:59]_

_onyourleftassholes added agentnobullshit, presidentjb and shadyredhead to **New Group Chat.**_

_onyourleftassholes named the chat **protect the dumbass.**_

shadyredhead: okay wtf sam

agentnobullshit: who’s the dumbass

presidentjb: steve

onyourleftassholes: wow

presidentjb: is it

onyourleftassholes: ...yes

shadyredhead: what are we protecting him from

onyourleftassholes: this is gonna sound weird but peggys aunt

agentnobullshit: WHAT

shadyredhead: carter from history??

onyourleftassholes: yup

presidentjb: what’d she do

onyourleftassholes: steve asked me not to tell you guys but I’m worried man

onyourleftassholes: [video x1]

shadyredhead: oh my god

presidentjb: that fuckin bitch

agentnobullshit: oml is steve alright??

onyourleftassholes: he said he was fine

shadyredhead: holy shit

shadyredhead: did our history teacher actually just try to touch him

presidentjb: we need to report this right fucking now

presidentjb: who does she think she is??

onyourleftassholes: steve didn’t want you to find out

onyourleftassholes: he thought you’d freak

presidentjb: DAMN RIGHT

onyourleftassholes: THATS WHAT I SAID

agentnobullshit: I’m reporting her first thing

agentnobullshit: just saved the video

shadyredhead: glad you told us sam

onyourleftassholes: honestly same

presidentjb: the next things she’s gone be putting her hands on are jail bars

_[friday 10:03]_

**protect the dumbass**

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

agentnobullshit: I reported her straight after first period

shadyredhead: good

shadyredhead: wait to who??

agentnobullshit: fury duh

shadyredhead: oh that’s fine

presidentjb: yeah pierce is an ass

presidentjb: anyway has anyone actually seen the dumbass

onyourleftassholes: no what did he have first

shadyredhead:...

shadyredhead: history

presidentjb: FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think my favourite part of this is writing the conversations that have no plot relevance, just pals being pals.   
> Also this might by my way of taking out my frustration with THAT Steve/Sharon scene from civil war. Just maybe.  
> We do hate a cliffhanger but oh well it happened.   
> Thanks for the kudos and also just for reading :)


	3. so many fools

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead 

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

titaniumalloyman: erm is steve okay

titaniumalloyman: I just passed him in the hall

titaniumalloyman: he looked pale as shit

shadyredhead: oh god

theotherguy: what’s going on??

shadyredhead: doesn’t matter

thundernlightning: Are you sure? It seems important

presidentjb: tony where the fuck is he

titaniumalloyman: um think he went to the bathroom

presidentjb: guess I’m going to the bathroom

_presidentjb left the chat._

feistyredhead: yk how girls go to the bathroom together to cry and shit

gotanyorangeslices: erm yeah..?

feistyredhead: why don’t boys

shadyredhead: yeah some of you could use it

lilspiderboi: who said we don’t

theotherguy: yeah I’ve been Tony’s emotional bathroom support many times

titaniumalloyman: BRUCE STFU

thundernlightning: I have also frequently joined Loki in the bathroom

gotanyorangeslices: shut the front door

stabbyking: I will shut it

stabbyking: ON THORS FUCKING FACE

**PRIVATE CHAT**

presidentjb: Steve

presidentjb: Steve where the hell are you??

presidentjb: I’m gonna strangle carter with my bare hands

presidentjb: creepy ass bitch

americasass: I told Sam not to tell you!!

presidentjb: well sam doesn’t listen to idiots

presidentjb: did she do anything else

americasass: No

presidentjb: don’t bullshit me

americasass: Fine

americasass: She said I can guarentee an A in the exam if I went back after school today

presidentjb: to do what??

americasass: I don’t know she didn’t say

presidentjb: wait

presidentjb: steve you get A’s anyway

americasass: She’ll fail me if I don’t go

presidentjb: steve it’s fine peggy just reported her to fury

americasass: what?

presidentjb: yeah she’s gonna get the sack any minute

presidentjb: I see you mf

americasass: Buck I’m okay

presidentjb: take one more step and I won’t talk to you for the rest of the day

americasass: :(

_americasass left the chat._

_presidentjb left the chat._

_[13:38]_

_shadyredhead added everyonesmom, stabbyking, gotanyorangeslices, hakunamatata, ceoofhungover, astronomybitch, agentnobullshit, helascary, feistyredhead, fixitfelix and onyourleftassholes to **New Group Chat.**_

_shadyredhead named the chat **matchmakers from hell.**_

shadyredhead: lets get straight to the point

ceoofhungover: I thought you were gonna say let’s get straight

ceoofhungover: which tbh is a problem for most of us

stabbyking: mood

shadyredhead: as I’m sure you’ve noticed we are surrounded by fools

shadyredhead: fools who are in love with each other

everyonesmom: what you mean tony and stephen

agentnobullshit: I thought she meant steve and bucky

stabbyking: what about my brother and bruce

feistyredhead: or MY brother and clint

fixitfelix: peter is lowkey in love with mj

stabbyking: hahaha loki

shadyredhead: I mean all of them

gotanyorangeslices: oh I see what you did

gotanyorangeslices: you added everyone who is destined to die alone

astronomybitch: hang on

shadyredhead: scotts kinda right

stabbyking: hey

shadyredhead: plus carol and val because they can help with the relationship stuff later

ceoofhungover: you hear that babe

ceoofhungover: we’re the example

astronomybitch: <3

everyonesmom: so what are we actually gonna do

shadyredhead: ...

shadyredhead: I never got that far

shadyredhead: but that’s the point of this gc

shadyredhead: any suggestions??

agentnobullshit: yk what I say leave peter to it

agentnobullshit: I think he’ll do it on his own

feistyredhead: tbh he is the most mentally stable

feistyredhead: which says a lot about us

ceoofhungover: he’s a year younger but he probably has more common sense than all of us combined

everyonesmom: what about the others

helascary: I might have an idea

helascary: party at mine tomorrow

stabbyking: you mean ours

helascary: no bby bro I mean mine

stabbyking: I will end you

helascary: I’d like to see you try

onyourleftassholes: I don’t think just a party will help

onyourleftassholes: they are really fuckin dumb

helascary: true

helascary: but it’s an excuse to drink

feistyredhead: NO

feistyredhead: not after last time

feistyredhead: pietro has never been so drunk and high at once

stabbyking: be honest it was funny as fuck

feistyredhead: yeah it was funny when I had to cover for him by lying to my uncle

helascary: well I’m drinking but you don’t have to

ceoofhungover: where’s the fun in that

helascary: exactly

helascary: imma tell the main gc

_helascary has left the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha taking charge because of course she does.  
> Also everyone having Steve’s back makes me soft.  
> Hope you’re enjoying this so far :)


	4. who’s down for a good time?

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

helascary: guys party at the odinsons tomorrow

helascary: come at 8 earliest

helascary: bring drinks if you want them

thundernlightning: We’re hosting a party?

helascary: yep

thundernlightning: Since when?

helascary: since now

thundernlightning: Did dad say we could?

helascary: thor he’s outta town until next week

thundernlightning: Oh okay

thundernlightning: So who is coming to this party at my house?

helascary: everyone down for a good time say I

titaniumalloyman: I

noshitsherlock: I

notlistening: I

presidentjb: I

callmedepressed: I

theotherguy: I

americasass: I

titaniumalloyman: wow steve is feeling wild

americasass: Shut up tiny

presidentjb: yeah shut your trap tiny

americasass: I meant tony

presidentjb: I didnt

presidentjb: tiny

lilspiderboi: I

gottagofast: I

helascary: okay that’s everyone

theotherguy: what

titaniumalloyman: that is definitely not everyone

helascary: I’ve already checked with the others

helascary: don’t be late

shadyredhead: YEAH CLINT

notlistening: when are you gonna let it go

shadyredhead: I’m not elsa

stabbyking: you may as well be you’re one cold bitch

titaniumalloyman: HE DIDNT

notlistening: LOKI FUCKING RUN

notlistening: LOCK THE DOORS

_shadyredhead left the chat._

Onyourleftassholes: OH SHIT

gottagofast: LOKI HIDE

notlistening: THERES NO ESCAPE NOW

notlistening: GOOD LUCK

helascary: guess Loki won’t be at the party

_[saturday 20:49]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

helascary: you’re late mfs

helascary: we’re starting the drinks without you

gottagofast: NO WAIT

gottagofast: IT WASNT MY FAULT

notlistening: dw I’ve saved you one

gottagofast: :)

shadyredhead: why are you so late

gottagofast: ask my sister

gottagofast: she’s been getting ready for ages

gottagofast: we’ve only just set off

feistyredhead: oh I’m sorry for making an effort

feistyredhead: I’d rather be a bit late than look like I’ve been dragged through a forest

notlistening: she has a point

gottagofast: fuck you barton

notlistening: I’ll leave that to you

stabbyking: HOLD UP

shadyredhead: CLINT

notlistening: I didn’t say anything

presidentjb: wait what’s happening

feistyredhead: clint wants to fuck my brother

presidentjb: oh

presidentjb: OH

_notlistening left the chat._

_gottagofast left the chat._

shadyredhead: they’re so fucking dumb smh

**PRIVATE CHAT**

gottagofast: hey I think wanda likes nat

notlistening: wait what??

gottagofast: yk how I said she made a big effort

notlistening: yeah...

gottagofast: I think that’s why

notlistening: OMG THIS IS HUGE

gottagofast: IKR

notlistening: so I assume you want me to help set them up

gottagofast: naturally

gottagofast: and who knows maybe we can also have some fun of our own...

notlistening: okay you have my full attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s kinda short but don’t worry, things really take off after those drinks :)  
> Clint and Pietro are kinda a new ship for me but being completely honest I think they’re amazing.  
> Also Loki really should be careful.  
> Thanks for reading!


	5. drunken antics

_[23:47]_

**IDIOTS ASSEMBLE**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Clint Barton - notlistening

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

americasass: have you gys seen bucket

shadyredhead: wtf steve

theotherguy: you mean bucky?

americasass: yh him

notlistening: he’s not upstairs

shadyredhead: why are you upstairs

notlistening: I never said I am

notlistening: I just bucky isn’t

shadyredhead: is pietro up there with you

notlistening: NO

shadyredhead: sure whatever

americasass: guuuyyyyys whre is he

shadyredhead: you know steves drunk when he forgets how grammar works

theotherguy: I didn’t know steve ever got drunk

americasass: who said I’m druuunk

americasass: found him

americasass: motherfucker was hiding out back

shadyredhead: was he now

notlistening: idk bout you guys

notlistening: but my gaydar is going through the fucking roof rn

theotherguy: OH MY GOD STEVE LANGUAGE

_americasass left the chat._

shadyredhead: we need to get him drunk more often

_presidentjb added shadyredhead, onyourleftassholes, agentnobullshit and hakunamatata to **New Group Chat.**_

_presidentjb named the chat **FUCKING HELP ME.**_

hakunamatata: well that’s not at all alarming

onyourleftassholes: bucky wtf

shadyredhead: help you with what??

presidentjb: STEVE FUCKING KISSED ME

onyourleftassholes: HE WHAT

shadyredhead: OH MY GOD

agentnobullshit: so what is it you need help with?

presidentjb: WTF DO I DO NOW

hakunamatata: where are you

presidentjb:I WENT OUTSIDE AND HE FOUND ME

presidentjb: he said something about Tony passing out in the kitchen is he okay

shadyredhead: oh yeah stephen and scott are watching him

onyourleftassholes: scott?? that doesn’t sound like a good idea

shadyredhead: can you read

shadyredhead: I said scott AND STEPHEN

onyourleftassholes: that’s fine then

agentnobullshit: what did steve do then

presidentjb: oh yeah

presidentjb: HE JUST KINDA GRABBED MY FACE AND KISSED ME

shadyredhead: did you kiss him back??

presidentjb: yes eventually

onyourleftassholes: EVENTUALLY????

presidentjb: I WASNT FUCKING EXPECTING IT OKAY

presidentjb: ONCE I GOT OVER THE CARDIAC ARREST I DID

_shadyredhead named the chat **GAY DISASTER.**_

presidentjb: don’t even lie to me bitch

_presidentjb named the chat **GAY DISASTERS.**_

presidentjb: okay now wtf do I do

hakunamatata: where is he now

presidentjb: here

presidentjb: sleeping in my lap

agentnobullshit: awww

presidentjb: well I’m pretty sure he’s sleeping

presidentjb: he might’ve passed out

presidentjb: no he’s sleeping

onyourleftassholes: how do yk

presidentjb: he grabbed my arm

presidentjb: wait he’s talking in his sleep

presidentjb: [video x1]

shadyredhead: did he just say you’re so fucking gay buck

onyourleftassholes: he did hahaha

presidentjb: he’s such a dipshit

hakunamatata: yes...

agentnobullshit: but...

shadyredhead: he’s YOUR dipshit

presidentjb: I hate you all sm

onyourleftassholes: nah

shadyredhead: don’t pretend you don’t love us barnes

 _presidentjb left the chat._

shadyredhead: that’s one closet cracked open

shadyredhead: only like ninety more to go ffs

onyourleftassholes: are you including yours in that

shadyredhead: stfu wilson

onyourleftassholes: I’m just sayin

onyourleftassholes: wanda be lookin pretty tonight

_shadyredhead left the chat._

**matchmakers from hell**

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

Hela Odinson - helascary

Wanda Maximoff - fiestyredhead

Shuri - fixitfelix

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

shadyredhead: we have news

stabbyking: is it that tony is a fucking dumbass

onyourleftassholes: that’s not news to anyone

stabbyking: he puked right NEXT TO the bin

feistyredhead: ewww

ceoofhungover: is the news that clint and pietro are totally doing it in the one of the bedrooms

ceoofhungover: because they‘re totally doing it in one of the bedrooms

stabbyking: WHICH BEDROOM???

ceoofhungover: I think it was the one opposite the bathroom

ceoofhungover: yeah I saw them when I came out

stabbyking: oh thats fine its thors

onyourleftassholes: hahahaha

shadyredhead: okay but that wasn’t our news

shadyredhead: steve kissed bucky

feistyredhead: OMG

gotanyorangeslices: yes finally

ceoofhungover: I knew getting him drunk was a good idea

shadyredhead: you did???

ceoofhungover: yeah

ceoofhungover: the ones who drink the least are always the wildest

onyourleftassholes: I wouldn’t say wild

onyourleftassholes: he literally kissed him and fell asleep

feistyredhead: aw :)

stabbyking: hang on

stabbyking: where is thor

gotanyorangeslices: idk I haven’t seen him all night

gotanyorangeslices:...or bruce

helascary: BANNER IS FUCKING MY LIL BROTHER

astronomybitch: I thought clint and pietro were in thors room

ceoofhungover: they are

helascary: well they aren’t in mine I’m here looking for my stash

shadyredhead: hela no

stabbyking:...

stabbyking: OH FFS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are happening!!  
> Not that Tony knows anything about it.  
> Piecing things together in the morning is going to be fun :)  
> Thanks for reading!


	6. piecing things together

_[sunday 11:54]_

  
**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

titaniumalloyman: okay is there a single person here not questioning where they woke up

everyonesmom: we weren’t all as drunk as you tony

noshitsherlock: you spent the majority of the night passed out

titaniumalloyman: well shit

helascary: is everyone still here

agentnobullshit: no me and pepper took the kids home at 1

astronomybitch: you have kids??

lilspiderboi: that would be me

callmedepressed: and me apparently

fixitfelix: and me

theotherguy: were you driving drunk

everyonesmom: no we walked it’s not that far to peters

lilspiderboi: yeah mj and shuri crashed at mine

agentnobullshit: and I’m at peppers

titaniumalloyman: that’s quite the walk

everyonesmom: eh we found stuff to talk about

notlistening: like what

shadyredhead: like the fact that you and pietro did it in thors room

gottagofast:...did we?

feistyredhead: don’t deny it mf

gottagofast: I’m not denying it

gottagofast: I’m asking

gottagofast: I was very drunk

gottagofast: clint did we

notlistening: oh ffs yes

shadyredhead: THEY ADMIT TO IT AT LAST

feistyredhead: are you two dating

notlistening: um

_gottagofast left the chat._

_notlistening left the chat._

feistyredhead: and theres my answer

presidentjb: fuck me my legs feel like wooden planks

americasass: Why where’d you sleep?

presidentjb: outside on the bench

americasass: Why did you sleep on a bench?

americasass: THERES A SPARE ARMCHAIR RIGHT HERE

presidentjb: idk leave me alone

shadyredhead: ???

 _presidentjb left the chat._

**GAY DISASTERS**

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

presidentjb: okay so steve doesn’t know

shadyredhead: he was that drunk??

presidentjb: apparently

presidentjb: dont tell him

onyourleftassholes: why not

agentnobullshit: you know what they say

shadyredhead: drunk words are sober thoughts

shadyredhead: also how did steve end up on the couch

presidentjb: I put him there cos he felt really cold

agentnobullshit: aw buckys a gentleman

presidentjb: stfu

shadyredhead: so why did you sleep on the bench??

presidentjb: idk I like being outside??

onyourleftassholes: bet there’s a spider in your hair

presidentjb: bet there’s a fist on your face

_presidentjb left the chat._

onyourleftassholes: WTF HE CAME IN AND PUNCHED ME

shadyredhead: you were asking for it

agentnobullshit: yeah you kinda were

presidentjb: :)

onyourleftassholes: OKAY FUCK Y’ALL

_onyourleftassholes left the chat._

presidentjb: hahaha

**odins lil shits**

Hela Odinson - helascary

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

stabbyking: okay thor

stabbyking: we’ve allowed you plenty time to come clean

thundernlightning: Brother are you still drunk?

stabbyking: dont change the subject

helascary: did you or did you not fuck banner in lokis bedroom

thundernlightning: Of course not!!

thundernlightning: We were in dads room

stabbyking: THANK FUCK FOR THAT

helascary: seriously thor??

thundernlightning: What?

helascary: out of everyone you go for bill nye the science guy

stabbyking: dont even go there

stabbyking: one time I called banner dull

stabbyking: thor got so mad he spent a whole week glaring at me

helascary: omg really

helascary: thor never gets mad at you

stabbyking: exactly

helascary: he never gets mad at anyone

helascary: except for that time he smacked rumlow for being rapey with peggy

thundernlightning: I am still here guys

stabbyking: that was pretty impressive ngl

stabbyking: oh if looks could kill

helascary: I’d be six feet under seeing as there’s a mirror in my room

stabbyking: hahaha

stabbyking: you wish

thundernlightning: Loki do not be mean to our sister

helascary: he can say what he wants

helascary: seeing as pretty soon he’ll be too dead to say anything

_stabbyking left the chat._

_helascary left the chat._

thundernlightning: I do not understand when people type “rip”

thundernlightning: But now seems like an appropriate time

thundernlightning: Rip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor’s learning!!  
> Also I didn’t realise until reading this back, but Loki CANONICALLY calls Bruce dull.  
> “I am a god you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by-“  
> How did I not realise??  
> I haven’t been writing all that much these past few days so I’m not sure how long the daily updates will continue, but for now we’re all good :)


	7. double trouble

_[monday 12:19]_

**fantastic failures**

Steve Rogers - americasass

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

presidentjb: anyone ever get the urge to knock brock rumlows fuckin teeth out

shadyredhead: I don’t get the urge

shadyredhead: it’s always present

onyourleftassholes: wait hasn’t he started multiple fires

americasass: Yeah how is he still here??

presidentjb: idk

presidentjb: and I also dk how he knows things about the party

shadyredhead: he WHAT

onyourleftassholes: was he spying on us or some shit???

americasass: I wouldn’t put it past him

shadyredhead: yeah creepy mf

americasass: At least nothing bad really happened at the party

americasass: What’s he gonna say? We got drunk at Thor’s?

onyourleftassholes: um

_presidentjb left the chat._

_onyourleftassholes left the chat._

americasass: Wait what

americasass: Nat what was that about

shadyredhead: um

_shadyredhead left the chat._

americasass: Okay wtf???

presidentjb: YOU SWORE ASSHOLE

americasass: Goddamnit I thought you’d gone

presidentjb: NO TAKE BACKS YOU LIL SHIT

_americasass left the chat._

presidentjb: yeah that’s what I thought

**PRIVATE CHAT**

fixitfelix: so Peter

lilspiderboi: can you make it quick I gotta go hide

fixitfelix: wtf from who

fixitfelix: what did you do

lilspiderboi: just tell me where to hide please!!

fixitfelix: erm

lilspiderboi: HURRY

fixitfelix: have you asked clint??

lilspiderboi: no good idea

fixitfelix: wait

_lilspiderboi left the chat._

fixitfelix: mf

**PRIVATE CHAT**

lilspiderboi: hey mr barton are you in the vents??

lilspiderboi: please say you’re in the vents

notlistening: maybe

notlistening: why

lilspiderboi: I need somewhere to hide from flash

notlistening: what happened??

lilspiderboi: let me hide first

lilspiderboi: which closet is it

notlistening: on the left of the vending machine in the main corridor

lilspiderboi: okay I’m here

notlistening: use the janitors ladder to get up

lilspiderboi: I am now hidden in the vents

lilspiderboi: so flash was saying shit about mj so I told him to stfu

lilspiderboi: then he got his friends over

lilspiderboi: they chased me

notlistening: ah

notlistening: where is he now

lilspiderboi: idk cafeteria I think

_notlistening left the chat._

lilspiderboi: uhh there’s a hearing aid here

**PRIVATE CHAT**

notlistening: tasha will you add me to the punchy gc

shadyredhead: don’t call me tasha

shadyredhead: and no

notlistening: why???

notlistening: flash is bullying peter again

notlistening: I wanna rally the troops

shadyredhead: leave that to me

shadyredhead: where’s flash

notlistening: fine...

notlistening: cafeteria

shadyredhead: got it

 _shadyredhead has left the chat_

**WILL ACTUALLY KILL YOU**

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

shadyredhead: operation kick some flash ass is a go

stabbyking: did he do something to peter

astronomybitch: if he did he ain’t walking outta here

ceoofhungover: he can crawl

presidentjb: if we decide to go easy on him

stabbyking: where’s the fun in that

thundernlightning: We should go easy on him because he is younger

helascary: but not so easy because he bullies our child

shadyredhead: exactly

shadyredhead: cafeteria in 5

stabbyking: don’t be late

_[13:04]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

callmedepressed: DID YALL SEE WHAT JUST HAPPENED

noshitsherlock: yes

noshitsherlock: it was fucking brilliant

theotherguy: ...no??

callmedepressed: FLASH JUST GOT HIS ASS WHOOPED

onyourleftassholes: natasha

shadyredhead: yes

titaniumalloyman: it was you wasn’t it

shadyredhead: maybe

stabbyking: hey don’t take all the credit

ceoofhungover: yeah we all got hits in

gottagofast: who’s all??

astronomybitch: me

thundernlightning: I may have had a turn

presidentjb: I got him right in the balls

presidentjb: although I doubt he has any

americasass: Buck!!

presidentjb: what

presidentjb: they were tryna get peter

theotherguy: okay smack away

astronomybitch: we did

noshitsherlock: it was so fucking funny lmao

_[tuesday 09:53]_

**PRIVATE CHAT**

anonymous: you had fun at hela’s party didn’t you

presidentjb: who is this??

anonymous: gay piece of shit

presidentjb: hahaha funny

presidentjb: you’d better hope I don’t find out who you are

anonymous: you’d better hope your dad doesn’t find out what happened

presidentjb: steve are you fucking with me

presidentjb: i stg if you are

anonymous: [image x2]

presidentjb: ffs rumlow

anonymous: you want me to post them?

presidentjb: ..no

anonymous: that’s what I thought

anonymous: meet me tonight or I will

presidentjb: meet you where

anonymous: I’ll send you the location later

presidentjb: keeping it vague for tension ooooooh

_anonymous left the chat._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say it would be amazing if in TFATWS they teased Zemo like this.  
> Also this chapter is kinda long compared to the others, but most of this was prewritten and then I had to go through and decide where to stop which is why they’re quite short. They’ll probably get longer when I have to write them before posting.  
> I haven’t actually written anything today because I’ve been binging Kings, it’s quite an old show but it’s really good (if not only for Sebastian Stan :))  
> Hope you’re enjoying this!


	8. day of disaster

_[13:58]_

_americasass added shadyredhead, onyourleftassholes, agentnobullshit, feistyredhead and hakunamatata to **New Group Chat.**_

_americasass named the chat **what’s wrong with bucky???**_

americasass: Guys help me

hakunamatata: what’s worrying you

shadyredhead: well tchalla I’d assume it’s bucky

hakunamatata: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT

americasass: He’s been really closed off and grouchy all day

onyourleftassholes: what’s new

feistyredhead: no he’s never off with steve

shadyredhead: yeah sam you’re the one who pisses him off

onyourleftassholes: all in a days work

americasass: No guys I’m really worried

agentnobullshit: maybe he was just having a bad day

feistyredhead: maybe he’s realised we’re all gonna die alone and life is insignificant and everyone is slowly dying everyday

shadyredhead: wanda are you okay

feistyredhead: never :)

onyourleftassholes: idk steve maybe just see how he is tomorrow

onyourleftassholes: he was having a bad hair day

shadyredhead: stfu his hair is better than yours

feistyredhead: I told him to grow it out

shadyredhead: all those who think bucky should go emo say I

onyourleftassholes: I

hakunamatata: I

agentnobullshit: I

feistyredhead: I

feistyredhead: want to die

shadyredhead: WANDA

feistyredhead: what

onyourleftassholes: aw look at you two

shadyredhead: stfu sam

_shadyredhead left the chat._

_feistyredhead left the chat._

onyourleftassholes: ah useless lesbians

**PRIVATE CHAT**

ceoofhungover: hey

ceoofhungover: carol

astronomybitch: what I gotta go

ceoofhungover: :)

astronomybitch: whatever I’ve got physics

astronomy: pym is gonna kill me if I’m late again

ceoofhungover: I love you

ceoofhungover: ...

ceoofhungover: say you love me back

astronomybitch: I love you back

ceoofhungover: oh fuck you

astronomybitch: ik you do ;)

ceoofhungover: hahahhahah

ceoofhungover: but say it

astronomybitch: *sighs*

astronomybitch: I love you

ceoofhungover: awwww

astronomybitch: wait are you drunk

ceoofhungover: always

 _astronomybitch left the chat._

ceoofhungover: oh shit we had school today

_[21:29]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

titaniumalloyman: TURN THE FUCKING NEWS ON

notlistening: I’m a lil busy rn

titaniumalloyman: IDC GO LOOK

everyonesmom: oh my god

gottagofast: jfc tony why

theotherguy: is that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one also turned out kinda short.  
> Also yes, I hate cliffhangers as much as the next person but all will be revealed soon enough...  
> Carol and Valkyrie are pretty much the only capable ones here and we stan.  
> Thanks for reading :)


	9. revengers assemble

_[21:29]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

titaniumalloyman: TURN THE FUCKING NEWS ON

notlistening: I’m a lil busy rn

titaniumalloyman: IDC GO LOOK

everyonesmom: oh my god

gottagofast: jfc tony why

theotherguy: is that...

shadyredhead: no no no fucking way is that bucky

onyourleftassholes: WTF WHO DID THIS

feistyredhead: is steve okay??

agentnobullshit: has he seen it

americasass: yes

onyourleftassholes: steve stay calm I’m sure it’ll be fine

americasass: what the fuck is calm gonna do??

americasass: I’m calling my mom

titaniumalloyman: oh yeah I forget your moms a nurse

noshitsherlock: god his arms fucked up

gotanyorangeslices: does anyone know what happened?

titaniumalloyman: looked like a car hit him

theotherguy: but his arm was all burnt

theotherguy: almost as if... it was done on purpose

astronomybitch: alright who we murdering today

astronomybitch: because we ARE NOT letting whoever it was get away with this

ceoofhungover: damn right we’re not

shadyredhead: steve what did your mom say

americasass: she’s with him now

americasass: she said I can’t go until he’s stable

shadyredhead: don’t move me and wanda are comin over right now

feistyredhead: tasha can you pick me up pls

notlistening: you said I couldn’t call you tasha...

shadyredhead: ffs clint now is not the time

shadyredhead: and yes wanda I’ll be there in 5

onyourleftassholes: I’m coming too

lilspiderboi: mr rogers I’m sending a virtual hug

fixitfelix: me too

callmedepressed: I won’t go as far as hug but I’ll send a pat on the shoulder

thundernlightning: Yes we are all here for you my friend

americasass: thanks guys

shadyredhead: steve I’ve got wanda we’re coming

noshitsherlock: am I gonna have to be the one to point out how clint and pietro were both “busy”

titaniumalloyman: omg you’re right

ceoofhungover: guys buckys fuckin dying idc if clint and pietro were boning

lilspiderboi: don’t say dying :(

everyonesmom: peters right he’ll be fine

_[22:03]_

_agentnobullshit added shadyredhead, feistyredhead, onyourleftassholes and hakunamatata to **New Group Chat.**_

_agentnobullshit named the chat **steves moms.**_

feistyredhead: okay how many kids do you have now peggy

agentnobullshit: four

agentnobullshit: but that’s not the point

agentnobullshit: how is he

shadyredhead: we’ve been sat on the floor since we got here

feistyredhead: he’s kinda just staring at the wall

onyourleftassholes: he doesn’t even want ice cream

hakunamatata: oh no

feistyredhead: he’s crying hold on :(

_feistyredhead left the chat._

shadyredhead: oh god now wandas crying

 _shadyredhead left the chat._

agentnobullshit: kinda feel like crying now

hakunamatata: I think everyone does

onyourleftassholes: you’re not wrong

onyourleftassholes: this is so fucking scary

agentnobullshit: tell steve we love him

shadyredhead: he thinks it’s his fault oml

agentnobullshit: because of what he said earlier??

shadyredhead: yeah he thinks he should’ve said something

shadyredhead: and now sams crying

shadyredhead: gotta go my children need me

_shadyredhead left the chat._

_titaniumalloyman added astronomybitch, stabbyking, shadyredhead, agentnobullshit, onyourleftassholes, helascary, noshitsherlock and ceoofhungover to **New Group Chat.**_

_titaniumalloyman named the chat **REVENGERS.**_

stabbyking: my knives are at the ready

helascary: as are mine

noshitsherlock: what is it with odinsons and knives

onyourleftassholes: I’m not complaining if they help us take down whoever did it

shadyredhead: just to be clear... did what

noshitsherlock: it wasn’t just a car accident

noshitsherlock: like bruce said someone intentionally burnt his arm

ceoofhungover: right so who’s that psychotic

shadyredhead: bucky mentioned rumlow found out about the party

onyourleftassholes: maybe blackmail was involved

titaniumalloyman: what could rumlow have over bucky??

onyourleftassholes: oh yeah he doesn’t know

noshitsherlock: not sure ik either tbh

shadyredhead: steve got really drunk and kissed bucky

titaniumalloyman: ITS BEEN THREE DAYS

titaniumalloyman: THREE WHOLE DAYS

titaniumalloyman: AND NO ONE TOLD ME THIS??

shadyredhead: do you blame us

titaniumalloyman:...no

astronomybitch: shit do you think rumlow threatened to out him

stabbyking: I thought everyone knew he was gay

noshitsherlock: everyone does

agentnobullshit: yeah but his dad doesn’t

shadyredhead: not to mention steve isn’t really out yet

onyourleftassholes: would it surprise anyone if this dipshit nearly got himself killed to protect steve

titaniumalloyman: no

agentnobullshit: nat is steve coming to school tomorrow

shadyredhead: no

shadyredhead: wanda is gonna stay with him

noshitsherlock: wbu

shadyredhead: I want to but if I miss another exam strucker will murder me

onyourleftassholes: I’ll stay with him as well

stabbyking: well lucky for you nat

helascary: you get to be there when we kick rumlows ass

noshitsherlock: I have a better idea

noshitsherlock: we get him to confess and record it

noshitsherlock: boom he’s expelled

titaniumalloyman: wow that’s smart

noshitsherlock: ;)

ceoofhungover: forget expelled

ceoofhungover: how bout PRISON

astronomybitch: no point he’ll be too dead by then

ceoofhungover: fairs

titaniumalloyman: so it’s settled

titaniumalloyman: we corner him at lunch

stabbyking: can’t wait :)

noshitsherlock: well I’ll see you all then

_noshitsherlock left the chat._

agentnobullshit: tony

agentnobullshit: don’t think we missed the wink face

agentnobullshit: what does that mean

 _titaniumalloyman left the chat._  
  
shadyredhead: I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re literally fucking as we speak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m running out of prewritten chapters, I think I’ve only got like two more.  
> So it’s VE Day so I watched Captain America: The First Avenger. Seems like Bucky getting hurt is the theme of the day.  
> “Each one you buy is a bullet in the barrel of your best guy’s gun.”  
> I got some EDITH glasses and they’re so awesome I can’t function.  
> Enough of my rambling, hope you’re enjoying the story :)


	10. sad smiley faces

_[wednesday 10:59]_

**PRIVATE CHAT**

shadyredhead: hey hows everything going

feistyredhead: better than when you left

feistyredhead: no one has cried for at least 10 mins

feistyredhead: and we managed to get steve to eat some ice cream

shadyredhead: tell him everyone’s thinking about him

shadyredhead: how are you?

feistyredhead: alright I guess

feistyredhead: I miss you

shadyredhead: wanda I’ve only been gone a few hours

feistyredhead: that’s so loooonnnnnnng

feistyredhead: when did you say you guys are cornering rumlow

shadyredhead: lunch

shadyredhead: I’ll send you a video

feistyredhead: yeah might cheer steve up a bit

shadyredhead: also he could show bucky when he’s allowed to see him

feistyredhead: he’d enjoy that :)

feistyredhead: hurry up and come back so we can cuddle

shadyredhead: I cant make time go faster

feistyredhead: ugh

shadyredhead: have you told pietro I asked you out yet

feistyredhead: no

feistyredhead: I’m gonna wait for some good news on bucky first

shadyredhead: good idea

shadyredhead: you’re rlly sweet

feistyredhead: aww

shadyredhead: I gotta go now

feistyredhead: aw :(

feistyredhead: give the fucker a dick kick from me

shadyredhead: will do x

_shadyredhead left the chat._

_[13:02]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

noshitsherlock: [video x1]

onyourleftassholes: AW HELL YEAH

shadyredhead: that’s not even the best part

stabbyking: yeah scott send the other video

gotanyorangeslices: [video x1]

gottagofast: HE CONFESSES

notlistening: WE ARE VICTORIOUS

americasass: Holy heck

americasass: He actually tried to kill Bucky

feistyredhead: yeah you got my kick in :)

agentnobullshit: me and pepper have already taken the video to fury

everyonesmom: tbh he’s never looked so mad

agentnobullshit: the only thing pierce cared about was how we got him to admit to it

helascary: oh yes there were many detentions given out

astronomybitch: but who tf cares WE GOT RID OF HIM

ceoofhungover: we should skip school tomorrow to celebrate

stabbyking: count me in

thundernlightning: Loki dad is coming home tomorrow

stabbyking: even more reason

thundernlightning: Well I shall be staying

helascary: well you’re on your own bro

titaniumalloyman: I’m coming too

titaniumalloyman: and so is stephen

noshitsherlock: I am?

titaniumalloyman: you are

noshitsherlock: guess I’m also coming

ceoofhungover: anyone else??

notlistening: meeeeeeee

ceoofhungover: okay clint and pietro that makes 8 including me and carol

gottagofast: I didn’t say anything???

ceoofhungover: you didn’t have to

fixitfelix: I’m coming!

hakunamatata: no you’re not

fixitfelix: aw :(

lilspiderboi: I’m coming!

everyonesmom: no you’re not

lilspiderboi: aw :(

americasass: My mom said I can go see buck tomorrow so count me out

titaniumalloyman: steve you wouldn’t have come anyway

americasass: I would this time!!

lilspiderboi: aw good luck mr rogers

americasass: Thanks Pete

gotanyorangeslices: I’ll come too

ceoofhungover: okay I’ll make a gc tomorrow

fiestyredhead: steve show bucky the video

americasass: Oh he’s gonna love it :)

stabbyking: may have been one of our finest hours yet

gotanyorangeslices: it was so awesome

titaniumalloyman: the look of pure terror he gave nat

astronomybitch: it was priceless

shadyredhead: all in a days work ;)

**PRIVATE CHAT**

theotherguy: so your dads coming home?

thundernlightning: Yes he is

theotherguy: how long

thundernlightning: He will be in town for a week

theotherguy: guess we gotta find a new spot huh

thundernlightning: Oh that reminds me

theotherguy: of what?

thundernlightning: Something I have to do later

theotherguy: is it important

theotherguy: can I help?

thundernlightning: No you cannot help

theotherguy: oh

theotherguy: well good luck with that I guess

thundernlightning: Thank you

thundernlightning: My dad doesn’t arrive until tomorrow

theotherguy: okay?

thundernlightning: Which means we still have our spot for tonight

theotherguy: is that an invitation?

thundernlightning: If by invitation you mean am I asking you to come over so we can make out then yes it is

theotherguy: well I accept :)

thundernlightning: I’m glad 

thundernlightning: I shall meet you at your locker after gym

thundernlightning: How do you make a smiley face?

theotherguy: what

thundernlightning: You made a smiley face after you accepted my offer

thundernlightning: It was cute and I want to know how

theotherguy: colon and bracket

thundernlightning: :(

thundernlightning: Why is it sad?

theotherguy: other bracket thor

thundernlightning: :)

theotherguy: :)

thundernlightning: I think I just got 10% cuter :)

theotherguy: impossible <3

thundernlightning: What is that? :)

theotherguy: how about I give you a lesson on texting when I come over

thundernlightning: I’d like that very much :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent the weekend binging Kings (really good show, would recommend) so I didn’t update or write anything :/  
> Somewhere along the line I might try some parts that are live action, so normal writing and more than just the chats. If I do, I’ll make sure it seems appropriate and not out of place or random.  
> Sweet victory for the revengers, how satisfying :)  
> Thanks for 50 kudos and over 800 hits! In all honesty I wasn’t expecting anyone to find this or stick around, it mans a lot that people are enjoying it.
> 
> (Sidenote: I realised after I posted this that I’ve been spelling Wanda’s username wrong this whole time so I’ve just been through the whole thing and changed it. Yes, it was annoying as hell but I couldn’t live with it)


	11. *scotts horn noise*

_[thursday 11:49]_

_ceoofhungover added stabbyking, helascary, astronomybitch, titaniumalloyman, noshitsherlock, notlistening, gottagofast and gotanyorangeslices to **New Group Chat.**_

_ceoofhungover named the chat **ScHoOl SkIpPeRs**_

gotanyorangeslices: I’m driving in my van

astronomybitch: didn’t know you could drive

gotanyorangeslices: neither does the government

astronomybitch: ah

ceoofhungover: we’re leaving in 5

titaniumalloyman: omw

noshitsherlock: you mean our way

notlistening: omg you two stop I can’t

ceoofhungover: you coming barton??

notlistening: already here

ceoofhungover: wtf

gottagofast: he’s on the roof

gotanyorangeslices: anyone choosing to ride on the roof does so at their own risk

notlistening: well duh

gotanyorangeslices: just don’t sue me

stabbyking: he’ll be too drunk to remember

ceoofhungover: does that mean you have drinks

stabbyking: I’m coming now see for yourself

astronomybitch: is that everyone??

titaniumalloyman: yes go scotty go

gotanyorangeslices: going!

noshitsherlock: who’s in the front with scott

helascary: me

noshitsherlock: press his stupid horn

**PRIVATE CHAT**

agentnobullshit: you hear that?

everyonesmom: you mean scotts ridiculous horn

agentnobullshit: yes

agentnobullshit: the idiots have left the nest

everyonesmom: you mean birds??

agentnobullshit: well I’m not wrong

everyonesmom: no you are not

_[14:37]_

**steves moms**

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Wanda Maximoff - fiestyredhead

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

T’Challa - hakunamatata

onyourleftassholes: [video x1]

feistyredhead: omg omg omg this is amazing

agentnobullshit: about damn time!!

agentnobullshit: aw bless him

shadyredhead: the video won’t load dammit

shadyredhead: what’s on it

onyourleftassholes: I’m at the hospital with steve

shadyredhead: is bucky okay??

onyourleftassholes: he’s as good as he could be

onyourleftassholes: still insulting me every chance he gets

hakunamatata: so his brain is okay then

onyourleftassholes: that video was when he woke up

onyourleftassholes: steve started crying

shadyredhead: aww :(

onyourleftassholes: bucky was super high on painkillers

onyourleftassholes: he put his hand flat on steves face and laughed at him

shadyredhead: more proof his brain is working just fine

onyourleftassholes: and then he said “I love you dipshit”

shadyredhead: OH MY GOD

onyourleftassholes: :)

shadyredhead: wait steve didn’t panic did he??

hakunamatata: surprisingly no

feistyredhead: he just laughed back and said “I love you too asshole”

shadyredhead: I can’t with these two

agentnobullshit: ik can’t they just get married already

**PRIVATE CHAT**

titaniumalloyman: heeeeyyyyyy

noshitsherlock: tony I’m right here

titaniumalloyman: I can’t see youuu

noshitsherlock: how much did you drink

titaniumalloyman: ikd

noshitsherlock: you mean idk

titaniumalloyman: YES

titaniumalloyman: you’re smart

noshitsherlock: and you’re drunk

titaniumalloyman: maybe

noshitsherlock: definitely

titaniumalloyman: aw man you caught me :(

titaniumalloyman: now put your damn phone down and kiss me

noshitsherlock: erm tony??

noshitsherlock: are you sure

noshitsherlock: jesus how drunk are you

titaniumalloyman: me being drunk doesn’t make you any less hot

noshitsherlock: but it does make you act without thinking

titaniumalloyman: don’t I always do that??

noshitsherlock: fair point

titaniumalloyman: now quit whining and get over here

noshitsherlock: if you say so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I’m honest, the chapters are still slightly short for my liking, but once I start writing straight to post them I’ll extend them.   
> A Stucky love confession and an Ironstrange kiss... what more could we want?  
> I’m glad I’ve managed to keep everyone else relevant, I realise Steve and Bucky’s is the overarching story right now but it won’t be forever, everyone will have their moments don’t worry!  
> Thanks for reading :)


	12. buck, i am your father

_[15:03]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - presidentjb

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

everyonesmom: everyone still alive?

noshitsherlock: atm yes

noshitsherlock: probably not for much longer

shadyredhead: what’s clint doing

titaniumalloyman: he’s flying

onyourleftassholes: uhhh

noshitsherlock: he’s climbing up a tree and jumping down

shadyredhead: honestly not surprised

agentnobullshit: how drunk are they stephen

noshitsherlock: very

noshitsherlock: I’m in the back of the van with Tony

noshitsherlock: carol and val are in the front

gottagofast: I’m watching this dumbass jump down from a tree

noshitsherlock: and who knows where loki hela and scott are

gottagofast: isn’t scott our driver??

titaniumalloyman: I can drive us

noshitsherlock: absolutely not

noshitsherlock: if they don’t come back I’ll drive

gotanyorangeslices: guys we’re just buying food I’m coming back

presidentjb: what food

stabbyking: I craved ice cream so I’m getting ice cream

gotanyorangeslices: Clint also asked for skittles

shadyredhead: jfc don’t give him skittles

feistyredhead: am I the only one who noticed

presidentjb: not surprised tbh

thundernlightning: Noticed what?

presidentjb: :)

lilspiderboi: MR BARNES YOURE NOT DEAD

titaniumalloyman: oh good you’re still an asshole

presidentjb: missed you too tiny

hakunamatata: how you feeling?

presidentjb: like absolute shit

presidentjb: but that video was the best thing I’ve seen since almost dying

presidentjb: well second best ;)

americasass: Aw

fixitfelix: how’s your arm?

presidentjb: they’re getting rid of it tomorrow

shadyredhead: oh god hope it goes well

lilspiderboi: wait they’re cutting your arm off

presidentjb: yep

_lilspiderboi changed presidentjb’s name to buckskywalker._

lilspiderboi: too soon?

buckskywalker: never too soon

titaniumalloyman: how are you even typing

buckskywalker: using that voice message thing

fixitfelix: so are you going to have a prosthetic arm??

buckskywalker: maybe

fixitfelix: DONT

buckskywalker: ...why??

fixitfelix: just swear you won’t

buckskywalker: fine

buckskywalker: not sure I’d be able to anyway

callmedepressed: how come

americasass: Are you sure you wanna?

buckskywalker: I honestly dc steve

buckskywalker: my dad has sorta disowned me :)

noshitsherlock: weird thing to be happy about but ok

americasass: Self-deprecating humour is his coping mechanism

noshitsherlock: ah

lilspiderboi: mood

feistyredhead: what happened

buckskywalker: you ready for the whole story

titaniumalloyman: erm yes

buckskywalker: it’s quite long

callmedepressed: we got time

fiestyredhead: and we care about you and want to know you’re ok

buckskywalker: aw wanda

buckskywalker: so rumlow sent anonymous messages basically threatening to out me to my dad

buckskywalker: and also out steve to the entire school by posting that photo of the party

americasass: What photo??

onyourleftassholes: god steve how drunk were you

buckskywalker: oh yeah I thought there was something I forgot to tell you

buckskywalker: anyway I met him in these woods near my house and he got his whole big gang on me

shadyredhead: did you get some good hits in

buckskywalker: one of them RAN

astronomybitch: yes bucky

buckskywalker: it was a bit messy but at some point I guess one of them hit my head against a tree because I woke up alone with a fucked up arm

noshitsherlock: do you know how they did it?

buckskywalker: I think one of them had a lighter but my head was spinning so I forgot and just tried to stand up

buckskywalker: I managed to get back to my dads house and he saw me and opened the door

buckskywalker: he asked wtf happened and I told him

onyourleftassholes: what did he say

buckskywalker: don’t you think I was getting to that

buckskywalker: I told him I was protecting Steve because I loved him

feistyredhead: aww

shadyredhead: aw bucky why didn’t you lie to him

buckskywalker: because I’m fucking sick of it

noshitsherlock: wait why are we lying

buckskywalker: I forgot most of you don’t know

buckskywalker: my dad is the biggest homophobic dick on the planet

buckskywalker: he looked at me while I was crying with a fucking MANGLED ARM and he told me to go away because “he ain’t having a fag under his roof”

buckskywalker: so I left and eventually passed out on a random sidewalk and next thing I know BOOM hospital and sarah was there

gotanyorangeslices: sarah?

americasass: My mom

titaniumalloyman: wait so you didn’t get hit by a car??

buckskywalker: what no

shadyredhead: I really hate your dad and he’s not even mine

buckskywalker: well judging by the amount of gays in this chat I’d say he’s pretty unpopular rn

feistyredhead: so where are you gonna go when you’re better

buckskywalker: I didn’t think that far ahead fuck

lilspiderboi: do you have any other family

buckskywalker: I have a boyfriend and that’s about it

notlistening: HOLD THE FUCK UP

americasass: Oh did I forget to mention I asked him to be my boyfriend?

shadyredhead: YES YOU DID YOU LIL SHIT

americasass: :)

**PRIVATE CHAT**

fixitfelix: can we ask if he can stay with us

hakunamatata: yes I think we should

fixitfelix: mom will let us won’t she

hakunamatata: does this have anything to do with why you told him not to get a new arm?

fixitfelix: sorta

fixitfelix: IM MAKING HIM ONE

hakunamatata: holy shit shuri

hakunamatata: can you even do that?

fixitfelix: don’t doubt me!!

fixitfelix: of course I can

fixitfelix: itll put the likes of stark to shame

hakunamatata: that’s very thoughtful of you

fixitfelix: if you ever stopped to notice you’d realise I was a very thoughtful person

hakunamatata: don’t push it

fixitfelix: that’s what I think about

fixitfelix: pushing your buttons in as many ways as possible

hakunamatata: remind me never to compliment you again

fixitfelix: t’challa never compliment me again

hakunamatata: noted

**younglings**

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Shuri - fixitfelix

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

fixitfelix: I’m making bucky a new arm

lilspiderboi: holy cow that’s awesome

callmedepressed: I didn’t know you could do that

lilspiderboi: she’s basically our years mr stark

fixitfelix: come on

fixitfelix: I’m better than tony

callmedepressed: you are

lilspiderboi: you haven’t seen her work

callmedepressed: idc shuri wins

fixitfelix: :)

_[16:28]_

**ScHoOl SkIpPeRs**

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Clint Barton - notlistening

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

astronomybitch: jfc scott hurry up

ceoofhungover: there’s only so many times clint can climb the damn tree before he breaks his neck

notlistening: currently on climb 38

gottagofast: don’t text and climb moron

notlistening: sorry :o

gotanyorangeslices: we may or may not have seen pierce in the shop

noshitsherlock: he didn’t see you did he??

stabbyking: don’t think so

helascary: he was on the phone talking about some weird shit

noshitsherlock: like what

helascary: something about fury

helascary: and I stg he mentioned us

gottagofast: why us

helascary: he said “little assholes” and I just assumed

stabbyking: well there are many assholes who have had the misfortune of meeting that cretin

notlistening: I think I dropped my hearing aid in the tree

gottagofast: omfg you idiot

notlistening: hang on let me look

_notlistening has left the chat_

stabbyking: look we’re almost here now

ceoofhungover: look at that car

astronomybitch: looks like a funeral car jfc

helascary: I think it’s pierce

noshitsherlock: what

ceoofhungover: pietro get clint and get the fuck in here so we can leave

gottagofast: on it

gotanyorangeslices: right is everyone in??

astronomybitch: PIETRO COME ON

gottagofast: oh shit he looked right at us

ceoofhungover: we ducked pretty sure he just saw you two

noshitsherlock: didn’t see us in the back

gottagofast: right we’re in

gotanyorangeslices: k who’s house am I stopping at first?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literally since I started this I’ve been dying to use a Star Wars reference for Bucky’s username.  
> Also it took me forever to think of a way for him to lose his arm and we ended up with this... I mean I don’t love it but it’s not the worst.  
> I also started a new Steve/Bucky work which is almost the exact opposite of this (dark, actual decent writing, winter soldier) so if you can be bothered checking it out I’d really appreciate it :)  
> Thanks for over 1000 hits, that’s... wow, it’s a lot more than I ever expected.  
> I’m basically out of prewritten chapters but I’ve got two weeks free from school work so hopefully I’ll be able to keep updating somewhat frequently.


	13. we have an announcement

_[friday 12:29]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - buckskywalker

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

notlistening: you guys were right

notlistening: pierce only saw us

noshitsherlock: I’m guessing you got detention

gottagofast: yup Monday

feistyredhead: pietro!!

gottagofast: ik you don’t need to say it

shadyredhead: she’s right tho

shadyredhead:your uncle’s gonna kill you

astronomybitch: serves you right for dropping your damn hearing aid

shadyredhead: jfc clint how many times is this

lilspiderboi: oh mr barton I still have one you dropped in the vents

shadyredhead: ffs

lilspiderboi: do you want it back

notlistening: uhh yeah I’ll come find you before I leave

lilspiderboi: okay

lilspiderboi: but don’t be too long please

titaniumalloyman: where you headed after school pete

lilspiderboi: um

_lilspiderboi left the chat._

callmedepressed: he’s asked me out on a date

everyonesmom: aw good for him

titaniumalloyman: MY SON IS ALL GROWN UP

agentnobullshit: erm you mean mine and peppers son

everyonesmom: yeah we’re the ones who look after him

titaniumalloyman: just because you’re the responsible ones...

americasass: Where’s he taking you MJ?

callmedepressed: to his house for a movie marathon

theotherguy: Star Wars I’m guessing?

callmedepressed: yes

fixitfelix: I better not become the third wheel here

callmedepressed: nah we won’t be like that

callmedepressed: it’ll be like usual except more kissing

titaniumalloyman: he’ll be getting a job and having kids in no time...

everyonesmom: tony is having a paternal crisis

ceoofhungover: Stephen fuck him as a distraction

noshitsherlock: wtf

titaniumalloyman: no really will you

noshitsherlock: ...yes

noshitsherlock: LATER

gottagofast: he has a point

gottagofast: these bathrooms are grimy

gottagofast: and the cupboards are tiny and cramped

shadyredhead: and you know this because...

feistyredhead: everyone knows you and clint are fucking

feistyredhead: you don’t have to lie about it pietro

notlistening: can I?

gottagofast: *sigh*

gottagofast: fine

notlistening: so pietro has kinda been my boyfriend since the start of the school year

feistyredhead: WHAT

shadyredhead: BARTON YOU ARE A DEAD MAN

thundernlightning: You did not know this?

titaniumalloyman: Thor knew and we didn’t??

notlistening: Thor wasn’t supposed to

gottagofast: it wasn’t our fault he can’t keep his nose outta our business

stabbyking: oh I knew too thor told me

stabbyking: he walked in on them at our party laughing about how pissed nat would be when she found out

notlistening: well we weren’t wrong were we?

_shadyredhead left the chat._

notlistening: I’m gonna go hide now

**PRIVATE CHAT**

feistyredhead: just so you know I’m really happy for you and Clint

feistyredhead: I’m glad you’ve found someone

gottagofast: you’re not mad at me for keeping it a secret?

feistyredhead: well you didn’t do a great job to begin with

feistyredhead: but I’ve been keeping a secret too

gottagofast: wait..

gottagofast: NATASHA??

feistyredhead: I guess we’re both terrible liars

gottagofast: so you’re serious?

gottagofast: she’s your girlfriend???

feistyredhead: yup :)

gottagofast: this is the best day

gottagofast: how long??

feistyredhead: about a week

feistyredhead: she asked me just before Bucky got hurt

feistyredhead: I wanted to tell you but thought I should wait until we knew he was alright

gottagofast: just so you know I didn’t like keeping it from you

gottagofast: I promised clint we wouldn’t announce anything until we were sure it’d work

feistyredhead: and how long ago was that??

gottagofast: uhh four months

feistyredhead: and is it working?

gottagofast: wouldn’t you like to know ;)

gottagofast: oh yeah Clint’s coming over after school

feistyredhead: but I was gonna invite tasha

gottagofast: ...

feistyredhead: ...

gottagofast: okay we’ll have to figure this out

feistyredhead: yes

feistyredhead: but not right now I need to go

gottagofast: is it Coulson?

feistyredhead: no strucker

gottagofast: rip

feistyredhead: Clint can come tonight I’ll see if I can go to hers instead

gottagofast: aw thanks sis

feistyredhead: on one condition

feistyredhead: no fucking anywhere near my bedroom

gottagofast: cross my heart and hope to die

feistyredhead: don’t we all

gottagofast: haha mood

_[15:03]_

**PRIVATE CHAT**

lilspiderboi: I’m waiting out front

notlistening: k omw

**PRIVATE CHAT**

gottagofast: where are we meeting again

notlistening: out front

notlistening: Peter just left

gottagofast: you get your hearing aid back

notlistening: [image x1]

gottagofast: don’t lose it this time

gottagofast: how are you gonna hear my pick up lines

notlistening: babe your pick up lines are so bad i turn my hearing aids off when you start

gottagofast: I’ll run home and lock you out

notlistening: okay I’m sorry

notlistening: I love you

gottagofast: I know you do

notlistening: asshole

gottagofast: I love you too

_gottagofast left the chat._

notlistening: how long will you

notlistening: nevermind :)

_[19:59]_

**earths biggest dumbasses**

Tony Stark - titaniumalloyman

Steve Rogers - americasass

Natasha Romanoff - shadyredhead

Clint Barton - notlistening

Bruce Banner - theotherguy

Thor Odinson - thundernlightning

Loki Odinson - stabbyking

Hela Odinson - helascary

Sam Wilson - onyourleftassholes

Bucky Barnes - buckskywalker

Peggy Carter - agentnobullshit

T’Challa - hakunamatata

Shuri - fixitfelix

Peter Parker - lilspiderboi

Michelle Jones - callmedepressed

Wanda Maximoff - feistyredhead

Pietro Maximoff - gottagofast

Stephen Strange - noshitsherlock

Scott Lang - gotanyorangeslices

Valkyrie - ceoofhungover

Carol Danvers - astronomybitch

Pepper Potts - everyonesmom

shadyredhead: guys we have an announcement

gottagofast: better than clint admitting he loves me

feistyredhead: stfu it’s our turn

titaniumalloyman: way to spoil the surprise wanda

everyonesmom: tony let them have their moment

shadyredhead: thank you pepper

shadyredhead: I asked wanda to be my girlfriend about a week ago

onyourleftassholes: fucking finally

astronomybitch: so many couples wow

ceoofhungover: they were jealous of us

stabbyking: hate to burst your bubble but

stabbyking: jk I enjoy it

stabbyking: these idiots have been hopelessly pining for a while

helascary: he’s right

noshitsherlock: loki and hela just agreed on something

thundernlightning: Oh no not again...

titaniumalloyman: what’s that supposed to mean??

thundernlightning: Well last time they agreed we had to call the fire department

shadyredhead: you WHAT

stabbyking: and dad still doesn’t know

titaniumalloyman: and that’s on neglectful fathers high five

gottagofast: everyone’s dad is either dead or useless lmao

agentnobullshit: mine isn’t

hakunamatata: peggy your dad is scary as shit

onyourleftassholes: and so is she

hakunamatata: ah it makes sense now

everyonesmom: peggy is not scary wtf are you talking about

hakunamatata: you’re just too on top of your shit to annoy her

americasass: You guys remember when she caught us sneaking out of detention

onyourleftassholes: that look of disappointment still haunts my nightmares to this day

titaniumalloyman: wait steve got detention??

americasass: One time

shadyredhead: he got so distracted by Bucky that pierce thought he was copying his test

feistyredhead: and pierce is an ass

titaniumalloyman: oohhh makes sense

titaniumalloyman: speaking of where is the bastard

americasass: Surgery

titaniumalloyman: it’s a shame I could’ve used someone calling me an asshole in biology

noshitsherlock: ...why

titaniumalloyman: idk im just in that kinda mood

stabbyking: I’ll volunteer

onyourleftassholes: me too

callmedepressed: I would but I should probably be nice to peters dad

lilspiderboi: aww :)

titaniumalloyman: ah young love

noshitsherlock: if that’s young then what are we

titaniumalloyman: hot af

agentnobullshit: tony take your sexting somewhere else

everyonesmom: yes there are kids here

titaniumalloyman: sorry sorry my bad

_titaniumalloyman left the chat._

fixitfelix: ew

_noshitsherlock left the chat._

stabbyking: EW

_[saturday 13:46]_

“Oh, there you are,” Sarah smiles as she spots her son, a little down the corridor at the vending machine. Steve hadn’t left the hospital since he came, except to change his clothes and shower. She doesn’t mind; at least with him here she can keep an eye on him in between jobs, plus it stops him worrying himself sick and calling every five minutes.

“How did you sleep?”

“Those chairs are actually pretty comfortable once you get used to them,” Steve picks up the bottle of water from the vending machine and straightens up, returning his mother’s smile.

“You won’t have to sleep in it much longer, love. I think he’ll be able to leave tomorrow,” Sarah tells him. She watches as Steve’s face goes from excited to confused to worried in a matter of seconds.

“But... where’s he gonna go?” Steve asks, his voice quiet with worry. Sarah reaches out and puts an arm around his shoulders, giving him a squeeze. It doesn’t work as well as it used to, with Steve being taller than her now, but he still appreciates it and gives her a grateful smile.

“Are you sure there’s no way for him to go back to his dad’s?” She asks.

“He won’t let him back in, as-“ noticing Sarah’s raised eyebrows, he stops himself “-jerk. Even if he could go back, he wouldn’t want to. He’s miserable with his dad.” Steve is looking down the hall at the door to Bucky’s room when his phone buzzes against his pocket. As his mother kisses his cheek and leaves to go back to work, Steve pulls out his phone to read the message.

**PRIVATE CHAT**

hakunamatata: steve are you still at the hospital?

americasass: Yeah, not for much longer though

americasass: My mom just said he’ll be discharged tomorrow

hakunamatata: Our parents have offered to let him stay with us

americasass: Wait seriously?

americasass: For how long?

hakunamatata: For as long as he needs to

americasass: T’Challa you are a life saver

americasass: Thank you so much

hakunamatata: steve it’s nothing

hakunamatata: we want him to be safe as much as you do

hakunamatata: don’t tell him, shuri insisted she wants to

americasass: Okay I won’t

americasass: I can’t thank you enough for this

hakunamatata: you can

hakunamatata: just bring chocolate when you come visit

americasass: Noted :)

_fixitfelix added hakunamatata and buckskywalker to **New Group Chat.**_

_fixitfelix named the chat **roomies**_

buckskywalker: uhh did you add me by mistake

hakunamatata: no...

fixitfelix: YOURE MOVING IN WITH US

buckskywalker: wait what

hakunamatata: our mother insists we look after you

fixitfelix: you didn’t get a new arm did you??

buckskywalker: no???

fixitfelix: DONT

buckskywalker: can we just backtrack for a second

fixitfelix: I assume Steve’s told you you’re allowed to leave hospital tomorrow

buckskywalker: yeah

hakunamatata: well we’ll be there to pick you up

buckskywalker: are you serious rn

fixitfelix: yes!!!

buckskywalker: but... why

hakunamatata: bucky we want to make sure you’re safe

fixitfelix: you don’t want to go back to your dad do you

buckskywalker: fuck no

hakunamatata: well we’ll have to stop by to get your shit

fixitfelix: but then you don’t have to look at him again

buckskywalker: I don’t know what to say

buckskywalker: thank you both so much

buckskywalker: I hope you realise how much this means to me

hakunamatata: don’t get sappy on us barnes

fixitfelix: or we’ll leave you there as clearly you’re still broken

buckskywalker: okay okay

buckskywalker: but seriously thank you

fixitfelix: no problemo :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I haven’t added a chapter for nearly three weeks now. I don’t really have an explanation, but this one was probably the longest so far to make up for it :)  
> We got some live action going on!! It’s only a bit, but from this point on I’ll add more where I feel it’s needed.  
> Also this is kinda the end of this little part that’s centred around Bucky. Not that he’ll be pushed back, just that some other peeps need some time to shine too!  
> I’ve been a little stuck because I’m wanting to introduce more characters/ships but don’t really know who. I have one or two ideas but that’s about it. Feel free to share your suggestions or characters you’d wanna see added in!  
> I wanna experiment with ships tbh, using ones I’ve never really considered or never even heard of.   
> I’ll try not to leave it so long before the next update, but I don’t wanna write if I’m not in the mood or the quality will suffer.   
> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
